Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize