Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Randomize
