he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Randomize
