i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Randomize