if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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