so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
