Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
im having a threesome with these popsicles
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Randomize
