I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
