I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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