My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
