I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
