Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
