the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Randomize
