what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
