Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
