On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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