I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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