i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
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