I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
