you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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