Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
