is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
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First date: that requires underwear, huh?
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
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I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I have already put on my inside pants.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
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