pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
