highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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