I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
