Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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