Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
