Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Those nachos came to me in a dream
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
