Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
