420 ftw
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
