What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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