I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
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