I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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