sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
