I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
