Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
