I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
someone owes me an orgasm
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Randomize
