I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
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