I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
