Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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