I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
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