I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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