HIV tests are more positive than that guy
His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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