My boss' voice literally gives me gas
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
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