She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Randomize
