sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
