Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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