My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
