i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
