Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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