I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Randomize
