They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize