the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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