sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
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