Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Randomize
