i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Did you pee in the oven last night??
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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