just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
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