never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
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