Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
There's always time for handjobs
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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