yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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