Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
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