Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
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