Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
