dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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